I attempted to write this last night but I was just so emotional. Everything from this week has just caught up to me. It's been an emotionally draining week.
I lost someone that I believed to be my best friend. There are a few things I kept quiet about these last few months. Something in particular. But as I thought about it, it didn't really concern me. But it bothered me that was completely fine with telling people untrue things. And for what? To make herself look better. But like I said, it wasn't my problem.
But what really pushed the envelope was something she said about me. It was meant to be funny but because I'm a relatively private person I don't feel the need to express every detail of my very private life with people. But what really got me, more than that, was something she said about someone I deeply care about. Totally uncalled for. That hurt. It hurt that she thought that but it hurt even more that she thought it was okay to express such a mean, negative opinion.
But even despite that, I was willing to put that all behind. Because our friendship has been going on for years. As hard as I tried to put those things behind me, it still hurt. But I was getting there.
The one thing about me that people need to know is that I can be the friendliest person, a social butterfly, to those I know/comfortable with. But put me in a situation with people I don't know, people who can be offensive, inappropriate, then there's a problem. That was another issue I was having. I voiced that, she seemed to understand.
Next day I get wind of a situation about these people. And my decision was made. There was no way in hell I'd spend time with those people. I'm nice and sweet and great to everyone (I really do try!) but say something inappropriate, offensive to me, all bets are off. But what still gets me mad (even though I really have to let it go) is that she was more concerned about having a drunkfest party rather than spending her best friend there. That's okay though. I'll remember that. I'll also remember how I haven't seen my favorite person since April and she knew this but the drunkfest party was more important than working things out with her best friend.
2. For anyone who has ever heard me talk about my brother, they mostly hear me say that he is a royal pain and drives me up a wall. Most of the summer was spent letting him in at all hours of the night when I was trying to go to sleep. So needless to say, I was annoyed. But without going into much detail on here, he's had some trouble lately and he'll be gone for the next two months. I can't even begin to explain how quiet the house is without him. And as annoying as he can be especially when he sees me smiling as I text my boyfriend, he was often mocking me, I totally miss him. It didn't hit me until last night. I was at work and he called and I've been thinking about it ever since. We have the whole 5 years apart age difference thing going so usually we're at each others' throat but it's just so weird without him.
3. Lastly, someone I once knew reached out to me. Someone I would be glad to never hear from ever again. It's too long to explain. But to keep things simple, it was someone who hurt me immensely, broke my trust and made me feel less than on a constant basis. But that's a period of time, I would like to forget if at all possible. Anyway, this person is moving and when I heard the news, I felt sad. Fucked up right? I got over that sadness real quick though.
This is probably the longest post I've written but a lot of this has been weighing heavily on me this last week or so. And I'm sorry to anyone who actually reads through the whole thing.
I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them. (Again, sorry for the musical reference but Wicked is epic so there)
After all of that depressing stuff, I think a little bit of happiness is in order. On Friday, I got to spend some time with my very amazing boyfriend. He is just wonderful and amazing. And I can't say enough good things about him. But I don't want become overly sappy.
No comments:
Post a Comment