Finding Yourself...

I don't really know where to begin this one. Everyone has those friends that you're friendly with but you wouldn't call them up to tell them your everyday life. They're more like acquiantances. I have a few friends like that. I have one friend who is pretty stuck at the moment. She feels pretty lost about what she wants to do with her life, who her real friends are, and she has gotten to the point where she is over people trying to like her. We talked about such things for close to an hour. At the end of our conversation she said "you know, you're a really good friend...thank you." After how I've been feeling lately, it was really nice. For anyone who knows me, I am the worst at taking compliments. I can't take a compliment to save my life. But character flaws and all, the one good thing I can say about myself is that I'm a good friend. I have a huge heart and other people's happiness is way more important than my own.

I used to be so concerned about what other people thought of me. I always joke and say I should have been born at least 4-6 years earlier than I was. I just don't have the energy and/or patience for people's drama, bullshit, negativity and such. This last year or so was pretty eye opening for me. I lost some friends and some relationships and at the time I was probably sad. And at one point, I probably thought it had something to do with me. But I've come to realize that a lot of people don't realize what a good friend, listener, what other adjective you want to use, they have in someone until they've lost it.

There was a period of time where I was so concerned with what people thought of me. I tried so hard to impress some of them. And I realize now it wasn't worth it because those people only wanted something from me. They weren't interested in my thoughts, feelings, or me as a person. But never would I lie about something about myself just so I can project a particular image into the world.

People in their twenties are trying to find themselves, trying to figure out who they are as women/men yet some of them seem to get lost in that. They get too wrapped up in what everyone else thinks of them instead of being true to themselves. And as a bystandard, you can voice all of that but it's not setting in. But what gets me is when people have to lie about who they are, about themselves, just so they can look better in the eyes of everyone else. That has a lot to say about your confidence as a person. I don't know...it's just mind blowing. And the sad part of that is some people never grasp that. Maybe it's lack of maturity, refusal to be comfortable with ones' self....this may be another one for the ages.